Pictured above is one of my daughters, Ashley with her babies Waylon and Amy Lou….very cool people.

Writing these blogs is an “all new” thing for me. And when I read them after I write them, I sit in judgment of them. Most of the time I ask Diana, “Is this worth reading?”

And when I rite, I wonder is this “worth writing”? And this morning, as I watched the sunrise over Tennessee’s freshly fallen snow covered horizon and made my pot of coffee, I wondered “why” I was writing? Was it for me or for you or for the fun of it, or do I have an obligation to use this medium? Is this a new found gift?

I had an old high school friend tell me in an email, “I didn’t see “that” in you back then.” And it made me think.

The coffee percolator tells me my coffee is ready with a last gurgle, so I go get a cup and stir in my creamer and Splenda. And I studied how I now love coffee but back in high school, I hated it. Then how college taught me to “use it” (coffee). And how children made me like it and middle age mornings made me love it. And I am on my third cup and its 7 AM, and I wonder when early mornings became so enjoyable, because I used to hate early morning. If I saw early morning in college or high school, it was because I was just going to bed in college or I was made get up in high school.

So, if I would have been writing back then, the words would have been far different. When we are young everything is about us, our pleasures, our life, our desires, goals and ambitions. I find, as people and especially me, get older, things start to shift away from self, to others.

We start out an accident of birth. We don’t choose who we are, what color we are, where we live or which gifts we are born with. At some point for each of us, we decide if we were born cool. See, all kids want to be cool and hang out with the cool kids. But that don’t always happen. I wasn’t born cool, but I wanted to be cool and hang out with the cool kids….didn’t u?

A lot of high scholers get labeled as not cool, or a “lesser than” person. I can see how 90% of my actions and motives, as a kid in our society, were in an effort to be cooler and fit in with the cool kids. Along, the way, I found true and dear cool and non cool friends. I was one of the lucky, uncool kids who had some cool friends.

Can you imagine how unhappy you would be if you didn’t like who you are? I started out my life that way but sometime back I decided I would not end up my life that way. I lived a whole lotta life fast and never stopped to look at me for how anyone but “who I thought” was cool looked at me.

As I grew out of my teen years into fatherhood, the folks I thought were cool changed as my life changed and as I changed.

So, I sip my coffee, which is now cold in the cup, and wonder if what I write is worth reading, or worth writing?

Somewhere along the line I learned to value the people who valued me instead of just the cool people. It was a natural redefinition of my priorities, from self and acceptance, to provider and teacher. My family became more important than friends and my life has been a wonderful ride since and before.

So these thoughts that I have just committed to paper are worth writing because they are my thoughts, as I now see them. And they are for me… and you, and I write them because I have “emotions.”  If these words can evoke emotions in you, it is because I have shared my innermost emotions with the ones I value. I value those who value me, and you the reader. I value my emotions as you see them through these words. I encourage each to put your emotions in words and hopefully you will write without fears… fear of the perception of the listener, or reader or ur own criticism.

So do I have an obligation to write? I think so, if I value those who value me, and is this a new found gift? No, it is a lack of fear. Even though I care what you may think, what you think will not stop me from exposing my emotions and saying what I feel.

“Honey, come here. Does this sound right?” Cause I know… if it ain’t said right it don’t sound right…., so I want my writings to sound right. Whether what I say is right, well, I hope it is.

So I see why friends of my past didn’t see these things in me back when, but I am glad they see these things now, because each of you have formed me into who I am today. I am who I used to be and a whole lot more.

These blogs have shown me what I already knew… I love to tell folks what I think, and how I feel about most everything. So I write, trying to keep it light, and say it right, and make it worth reading and writing.

My hope for you is that you enjoy this, take some good from it if you find any in it, and feel my emotions as I lay it out there without fear of your perception or rejection.

Cause this ain’t fiction; I ain’t making this stuff up, it’s raw emotions and memories… I think.

We all change; life changes us naturally, so naturally folks see things and people differently as time goes on. And my old friend was right; I did not show my emotions back then like I do today. It wouldn’t have been “cool”…. Just sayin’ …. I am finally cool,…. with who I am….. and I value those who value me, ……and that’s cool.

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