a poem by jay
TIME
What little time
We get 2 spend
Is all we get
And then it ends
And with that time
I hope 2 do
All the tings
I’m supposed 2
With my time
May I find
The love in me
And all mankind
Cause without love
Time dies
But with love
Time flies
So waste not
Even one second
Time and love
Both beckon
Do U
Hear their call
If not
U missed it all
I spend this time
2 tell u….I love y’all
While time marches on
Love conquers all
This will serve as my blog today…. I missed the early morning today…. but I sat and pictured it in my mind…. and I went there and wrote this….. Much love and enjoy the light of day…..
Breakfast of Champions - Blue Heron lives on, Fish .... oh well ...... breakfast
The rooster crows
at the break of dawn -
The locust and the crickets
sing their song.
The beauty of it all.....
And what we call silence,
is not silent at all.
But rather a chorus of wildlife
creating nature’s call.
To rise and shine
and get about the day -
the mighty sun
chases the darkness away.
And with this expected light
the earth comes alive!
The lonely moon sinks
as the sun is on the rise.
Earth’s own warming star
a winter morn lookin out my front door...love me some morning time
- Jay Barker
Momma used to say, “Ya’ll stay out of the kitchen till suppers ready.” And this holiday season I tasted lots of cookin, made by a lot of different hands, that created goodness from their kitchens. Many friends brought us their own food creations and we loved um all….and could feel the love.
Mrs Barbra Williams....I spent many a day and nite in her kitchen...everyone was welcome there
Sonny Ross brought me a slow, smoked Boston Butt, one of 20 something he had cooked with each butt basted with the love FOR the folks he planned to go give them to. I was one of the lucky few who enjoyed Sonny’s gift. Sonny had the misfortune, some years back, of hitting a pine tree while riding a motorcycle and it all but killed him. So, Sonny lives with some brain damage that limits his overall mobility but not his heart… nor his brain.
You gotta know Sonny to love him and thank God I know him. Sonny wears a smile and he loves to cook. It’s his work of art and passion so Sonny’s time at the smoker (his kitchen) – just him and them Boston butts, made his gift special. Thanks Sonny.
This year Diana cooked in the kitchen, sometimes with grands and daughters, other times we were told to “stay out, it’s nearly ready, I’m just waitin on the asparagus casserole.” So we stayed out, while the house filled with the smell of green beans slow cooking, country ham skillet frying and bread baking, turkey breast sizzling, honey ham steamin, tater salad waitin with deviled eggs and home pickled hot garlic bread and butter pickles… and we had to stay out of the kitchen till she got it ready. It was her gift to us, done and made with her planning and hands, and we loved it. (Before Christmas, she asked me and each child what we wanted her to make. Christen wanted cinnamon rolls, Ashley wanted ham, and Nick wanted sloppy joes. I wanted boiled custard and pound cake.)
Enzi and Silas with their Mama Christen in "the kitchen".
To cook good boiled custard, you must stand over it, stirring nearly constantly, slowly keeping the egg rich mixture of pure love from sticking and clumping and scorching, until it “coats the spoon”. This is not an amount of minutes but rather a thickness just before being too thin. That’s when it first coats the spoon completely. Thank you Diana, for opening your kitchen and cooking with and for us all this Christmas, and not to belittle any gift I received this Christmas Time, I loved this one, your cookin, most of all. From your whole family, we thank you again… and give you this hug.
At Mama Rita’s, the kitchen was where it was happening, just as it was happening in the kitchen at the Williams in Milan, and at Mrs. Barbour’s and Robert’s house, and even at ole Mike Perry’s house, as we talked about and looked at his big ass smoker; he knew I’d love it and I did. I gave him a bag chair and he gave me a 1959 TN license plate and we shared a shot or two of “Fireball” and at the Barbour’s, we shared a few cordials and homemade stuff was sittin all around. We laughed and I departed after a cup of cappuccino and hugs.
Me and my long time friend Mike Perry. He's a guy that discovered the simple life and lives it - way out in the country in a little place called Cedar Grove.
Mrs Barbara Williams - I have many fond memories of her, Dr Phil and their happy family.
Joe and Herbert Williams and me in Miss Barbara's kitchen - Milan, TN
There I went straight to the kitchen to see dips and sandwich stuff, and Costa Rican slaw, squash casserole and avocado and tomato stuff and I tried this and that and it was so good. And since nobody told me to stay out of the kitchen, I sat down there with a grand and grazed. I was hungry and if somebody came in the kitchen, I’d stick my hand held morsel of goodness in the grand’s mouth… “baby’s hungry” …. Just sayin…. I finally got told to get out of the kitchen till so and so gets here. So I got a piece of ham and went outside to hide and eat it with a cig in my hand as a smoke screen. “That was some good ham and stuff.”
Our youngest grand, Silas. I had to feed that baby!
Yes it was good!
Sittin' in the Kitchen at Mama Rita's.
My Momma could cook and she taught me a lot and left me recipes and cookbooks. And sometimes as a kid I would sit down at the drop-leaf maple kitchen table and watch Momma cook. And I’d ask her one question after another… and none of um were about cooking. The kitchen was Momma’s “office” and she did some of her greatest works right there. She schooled us and listened to us and turned chicken into 30 different dinners all the while.
Now I suggest to you, “stay out of the kitchen” and let the master cook up their dish, their way. And I see love, when I watch a kitchen teeming with artists of food…. And I bask in the love of it all. I love to watch um work and marvel in the love I feel when I eat their cookin.
I hope ya’ll feel the love somebody’s cooking up for you right now… and if you don’t feel that love, start cooking something up for someone else and you will.
Happy New Year ya’ll. And remember Momma said, “Let it coat the spoon.” Good things take time…. “How much time?” you might ask. Well not knowing your setup and how long you been stirring the pot, all I can say is “keep on stirring till it coats the spoon.” You’ll think, “this is never gonna turn out right,” but if you stand over it and watch it and stir it, and check the spoon, one of these times, when you’ve stirred til your about to give up, you’ll check the spoon… and it will be perfectly coated and recognized as so.
Next big cookin is New Year’s Day. Blackeyed Peas and Hog’s Jowl. Oh yeah! I love it.
On the 12th Day of Christmas, I give to you…. a big MERRY CHRISTMAS and a list I’ve been checking twice. This list I made for myself some years ago after reading the “Tao of Willie” (great read).
My dear friend NT Clayton, departed this life in January of this year. He kinda reminds me of Willie.
I love ya’ll, Jay
12 Things I try to remember and do:
1. Never pass up a chance to shut up!
2. Never be afraid to teach.
3. Find a balance between #1 and #2 and avoid large doses of both.
4. My life is connected to all things… especially me and you.
5. I am not in control, fortunately, so let things happen…. enjoy the sun rising and setting.
6. No matter what you do, be truthful.
7. Always, patience first! Feed the good wolf of my heart.
8. Happiness is now. Understanding NOW is happiness, one moment at a time, happiness is in the way we act, not in the outcome.
9. Meditate, breathe deep, sit still, relax, listen, dream, repeat. And drink lots of water.
10. Creation sets you free. Creation of love and of loving solutions fulfills your deepest instincts to be good. Your actions are your creations.
11. Learn what you already know! Tell your mind what your HEART says. Feed love, starve anger, stop war.
12. Think positive. Trust the wisdom and guidance of your heart. You can do it!
Gotta go now…. it’s Christmas Eve, my favorite day of the year.
Wow! I did it! 12 blogs in 12 days and still time left to shop for the one I love…. priceless.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
The 11th Day of Christmas
Pen in hand, with no thought in mind, but I start writing anyway. Most of the time when I write these blogs, I know where they are going…if I can figure out how to get there in words. Today, I have no clue what I will say but if I write long enough, I will end up with something…maybe.
No one is up yet and I have gone thru my morning routine of bathroom, coffee, computer, and cig.
First of all, I want each of you 2 know that I love you and appreciate your time you spend with me reading my blogs and visiting me at home and at work. I have met and loved many people in my days, but I can say I have never been treated any better than right here in Pickwick.
Pickwick....and one of those sail boats is ours...I love me some Pickwick
Running a restaurant is the dream of many and the nightmare of a few. There is nothing easy about the restaurant business.
It’s 8 a.m. and Daryl, my main “clean up” guy is reaching through the door to get the keys to begin the opening procedures. It takes 3 hours just to clean bathrooms, mop floors, ice beer and cola machines, run the snake in the sewer, and clean the parking lot.
together we work
Then the cooking begins as all eyes and ovens and fryers are turned on. Raba Baba is my day chef. Raba Baba is Robert Barbour, a renaissance man, and one of the people I always wanted 2 hang out with. He is Lu Anne’s age and 2 years older than me, so in high school he was way, way cooler than I was and his crew, Hillsman Williams, Bill Oates, and Trent Kernodle and a few others were the smartest and the coolest group in school. They played music, hung out in Dr. Jim’s garage, and I never really knew what 2 say to this guy, I was so much in awe.
Robert is a poet, a writer, and an artist, as well as a chef. He can name dishes I cannot say and cook them most excellently. When Raba Baba left Jackson, Tennessee for the Navy and I was attending Texas A & M, we lost track of each other and if we spoke, I don’t remember it. Then came Facebook and there he was and we talked and I invited him over for a few days (70′s style).
Raba Baba
He said, “Do you remember the 1st thing you ever said to me?”
I laughed in my head, I said, “no,” and Raba said, “I won’t ever forget it.”
And he tells me his memory of my 1st words 2 him. Now let me stop right here a minute and tell you when I see friends, they nearly always ask, “Do you remember what you said to me?” (at this or that time).
And I have 2 say no every time. And then they tell me a story of what I said meant to them at that time. It floors me every time that someone has held onto words I have said; loosely without plan or forethought I said something somebody keeps forever. Some say those words I said 2 them were life changing. If floors me every time…because I didn’t know anyone was listening 2 me anyway.
But believe you me, somebody’s hanging on your every word and mine. You never know who thinks you are “cool” and wants to be like you.
me and my son..Nick
I lived my entire life trying to be like my idols and I hang on their every word, so how could I have been so blind, so long to the fact that I might be somebody’s hero, or model or inspiration. I was just going thru life following dreams and chasing women back then. I had no clue anyone cared what I said so I said anything and everything.
Back 2 Raba Baba’s visit and our conversation of my 1st words to him.
I’d just moved to Milan, a little red-headed, freckled face preacher’s kid and the he kinda had a crush on my older sister Lu Anne, so I had seen him around and he knew who I was.
So I walk in the Big Star on Liberty St. and Robert was a sackboy there working. I got what I wanted and checked out and as we visited the past he says, “And I’ll never forget what you said to me. You made me so mad I was speechless. Some little squirt gonna make fun of me.” I interrupted and said, “What did I say?”
Raba said I said, “‘Where’d you get that pink shirt?’, real smart like and man it got under my skin.”
“Your little red-headed peckerwood ass, making fun of my shirt. I thought that shirt was the coolest thing, had those puffy sleeves and long collars.”
And I said, “Yeah, and you had the pink socks to match it.”
What Robert didn’t know was I really wanted 2 know where he got that shirt.
I didn’t have any “cool” clothes when I moved 2 Milan, but everybody there did. And I wanted 2 know where 2 get some so I could be “cool” 2. And maybe hang out with some cool people.
So I had a big belly laugh with Robert when I told him I was serious about wanting 2 know where he got the shirt.
Young and fearless yet nearly speechless, I spoke and somebody held onto it like a thing and floors me to think about it.
You know in your world somebody is hanging on your every word. And now that I see that, I stay in constant hope my words ring true and blow freely without forethought and planning.
And that’s the way this blog began and now I see where it’s going. And I sense you do 2.
Amy Lu was tired yesterday, so she started throwing a little girl fit after her mom, Nana, and Enzi and her had made Christmas cookies. And Ashley hollers out, “Amy Lu, Santa Claus is watching. You better be nice.”
Ya’ll, on the 11th Day I give 2 you the surety that “Somebody is watching,” therefore you are a Hero. Don’t shrug it off. This is a Hero-centered society on all levels. And on one level or another, you are somebody’s hero. And they are watching, just like Santa.
I had a friend I used 2 party with tell me one day, “You know my son thinks you are the greatest and told me he wanted 2 be like you.” My friend’s son was 7 years old. I was floored. I thought how long has this young boy been watching me and listening to me.
Had I already ruined the kid with bad behavior or had I been a positive influence and fun? My life up to that point with these friends flashed before my eyes in an instant and I say quickly, I needed to adjust a few things, mainly cursing, but overall I felt sure my example would not hurt anyone.
As this young kid grew up, he did his own thing and still does. He is brilliant and witty and well schooled and I won’t name him because I love him.
I know folks are watching me now, but for years and years I had no clue anybody cared or watched. I lived freely and partied hard and was good at it.
I study the Book of Love and lived it. And I still am not afraid 2 do things you don’t agree with or say things you don’t believe 2 be true…If I believe it to be true. I believe in watching and caring but I don’t believe in judging and intolerance. I am never afraid to teach and the biggest challenge is what 2 teach and when 2 teach and when 2 shut up.
Watch me but be you. Follow the only good advice I can give you, that is this:
“Do what you want 2 do, that’s what I do.”
costa rica....and me
I don’t know your situation or your list of problems and concerns, but this advice will never fail you. You are special and what you really want to do is special…2 you. I love 2 follow my heart and go with my gut and let the chips fall where they may, in what I do and what I say.
My words may have hurt you in the past and knowing this to be a truth, I sincerely apologize. For those of you who held some of my words dear, I am honored, and for those of you that I have not hurt or helped…you are not missing much. Just remember you’re somebody’s role model or hero, and I sense the ones that want 2 be just like you…are your children, or cousins, or siblings. One doesn’t have 2 look far to see who’s watching and hanging on your every word.
I hope ya’ll know, I am trying to keep my words and subjects light, but I don’t always succeed…and I know that now that I know “somebody’s watching.”
Things are not always the way they appear when we watch life and people, so be careful not to judge those you don’t understand, and be tolerant to those who seem intolerable, be forgiving and a peace maker if you can, and remember there are 2 sides 2 all of us. The Good and the Bad, and we can recognize them the minute they appear in our behavior.
Now that I sense this, I am even watching myself and I’m good with it. Can you stand the sight of yourself?
Merry Christmas Time and remember, Santa’s watching!
The morning sky is dark with rain and gray clouds. Raba Baba is already preparing lunch at the Spoke and one of the grand kids is awake and watching cartoons. Diana has a sinus headache, and just called out from the bedroom for two Ibuprofen. So I take them to her and return to my desk in our den to write my blog.
I’ve already made coffee and let the dog out and checked my Facebook and Twitter. It seems fewer and fewer are reading these blogs and I wonder if they are worth the effort, other than my personal gain I get from writing them. And I do gain a lot, with each blog. See, I never was and still am not a ‘writer’. This is all new to me, but I enjoy this new found hobby… writing.
I don’t read as much as I should and never read fiction stuff. I can’t imagine making up a story, but I have very little trouble putting my thoughts to paper. They come from stuff I already know and remember and feel. Today I feel lots of stuff….. joy and sadness, health and hurt, pressure and no pressure, but most of all I feel loved.
Judie and Ron
And we talked and hugged and discussed the situation. When dad got there, I told the group gathered that I had a feeling this was going to be a very special Christmas for their family and how fortunate they were to be together and traveling and seeing the National Christmas Tree and the state trees and our Nation’s Capital all lite up for the world to see. It reminded me how we used to travel every Christmas to Dad’s Mom’s and Dad’s Dad, very seldom having Christmas at home.
At this point in the Burnham families life, there are no grandkids, no married kids, and all the children are grown up. They were so supportive of their Dad that they would not let him go alone on this emergency trip. Ron is a big guy with a big heart and to see him crying, made me cry. I spent the entire day and on into the night with them and watched as family friends called, came by and even their minister; Helen Hamilton took time to sit with Judie and then Ron.
Drew, Cara, Judie, Ron, Barker - The Burnhams
The whole family was relieved and excited to be able to travel all together, as a family, in one car. There was a collective “thank you” sighed out to Mickey and Dad for arranging a way for them all to be together.
Mickey, if you read this, I want to thank you for this act of family and kindness. Soon after the family found out they would be traveling together, their mood lightened and their hearts were warmed and they were drawn closer to Dad’s wife than ever before. And that’s a good thang. It has not been so. Things have been said, feelings hurt, and estrangement had ruled between Dad’s kids and Mickey.
Last Tuesday, we shared a Christmas dinner with LuAnne and Judie, and me, and Dad and Mickey and Jim, her son. We have not shared a meal together in a long time. That meal did not heal all wounds, but it started the healing and now this act of family will heal more past wounds.
So, on the 10th Day of Christmas I give you ….. Change.
Mickey and Jack on their wedding day
I hope this is the start of the change we all need… a united family and a Dad not torn between his children and his wife.
Things change, and bad things only last a moment, because things change. And there is no better way to effect change than to love, and forgive, and be patient, and understand. We aren’t the only creatures on the planet… we are all connected. Change then affects us all… because we are all connected.
It’s like the domino effect; one change creates a long line of changes one after another. We all are products of change. We changed from a seed into caring societies, people and families – sons to Daddys, Dad to Granddaddys, and someday grandkids into parents and the chain of change goes on and on.
Change is inevitable and without it, there is no life. My life has changed many, many times and this time, this change may be my last chance to change for the better or… worse. Tomorrow is never guaranteed, only hoped for or dreaded. If we see a tomorrow, expect a change. Is there something you can change that you know you need to change… about yourself or relationships? I sense we all need some change, me especially.
I watch some folks change for the worse, especially when something goes bad in their life. I have watched family members change for the worse, some for the better and some never change cause they are already good as gold.
This Christmas things have changed. Diana still mourns the death of her brother, Ron is saddened with the impending death of his father, our family functions are rearranged, and I have lost too many good friends this year to count. Things change… but love endures and that will never change.
I love ya’ll and hope your changes are for the best and ya’ll hope for me as I continue to change. “I’m just an old chunk of coal, but I’m gonna be a diamond someday”…. And I feel the pressure that effects that change… over time.
It’s Christmas Time, a time that changed the world. One person, with one purpose changed the world… you can too… through Him and His love for you that gives you and me that power… the power to change. The power to change ourselves and then the domino affect starts… changing the world around you …. And me.
“Got any spare change?” somebody needs it if you will give it… this I sense.
I guess you’ve noticed these blogs are getting shorter and shorter as they near the 12th day of my Christmas time. The last few days have really been fast moving at a slow pace. The hustle and bustle of Christmas has set in and blog time has been muscled out by sleep. I woke up this morning around 6:30, got up, walked around, thought of my promise to give you the 12 days, and went back to bed. I was just too tired to tackle the blog and the Facebook and the Twitter and the world; so I chose to sleep.
Now I’m up again and taking my coffee and Diana’s taking phone calls, the restaurant is open, the coffee pot is empty, and here I sit, in a prison I created for myself, by committing to a long term blog. I do this kinda thing to myself all the time and I say to myself, “I will never try to do this kinda thing again”. And then I do.
So now it’s a goal, just to finish these 12 days and when I set a goal and keep my eyes on the goal line, I usually get there. So, on the 9th day I give you…… Goals.
Football is nothing without a goal line, goal post, a goal.
Life is that way with me. I have to set goals to move forward in my world. I have many goals, probably too many, and this blog may be one of the too many. But I think not. In the quest of my goal to be a good person, this blog has made me examine myself and my beliefs and habits. I guess if I was asked, “what would you like to have said about you and how would you like to be thought of you when you die?”, I would answer by saying that I hope I was a good father.
If nothing else, a good father. Being a good father is my goal and one simple gauge I use to measure my success at reaching this goal is…. How good I am at loving my children’s mother. I believe no better example can be given them, than the example shown through me loving her.
It is not to our credit or fault if our children “succeed” or excel, or fall down, and deep. As a parent, our only fault would be not to have loved each other. I love looking at my kids, now all grown, and knowing they know love. And each was raised the same, but turned out different individuals.
As a child, being a preacher’s kid, I always felt “pressure”… to be this way, do this, don’t do that, all of it seemed to much as a kid. So I didn’t want my kids to feel any of that kinda pressure, so I let them choose what sport or activity they wanted and helped them with that. And when my son decided not to play sports, I was selfishly saddened, but I supported him in his choices. Odyssey of the Mind, Skills USA National Competition… no touchdowns, but passing the goal line in his chosen dimensions and fields of interest.
my son nick... smart, kind, funny, now grown up.
nick with his momma - they have a special bond
Our rule was simple. You make all A’s and there are no rules. The child made the rules if they made all As. And they did excel. Ashley Salutatorian and National Rotary Scholar winner – her winning essay made her the first person from this part of the country to win this national scholarship. Christen played Lady Tiger Softball and was the editor of the school paper and through her love of art, was nominated for the Governor’s School of Art. She was a member of the National Art Honor Society. Jessica was on the first Tiger Motion Dance Team and was brilliant at learning and performing the routines. All different, all smart, all loved without conditions.
Ashley's Senior pic from the HCB Wall of Fame
Christen on her 19th birthday. She was in her pink hair phase. We also saw green, purple and lots of other colors.
First born daughter Jessica - I was visiting her in Ohio
And their mother? Well she was loved too. And with each passing year, I look back on our love and I see that I sure could have done better some years, at loving their mother. We have many goals, Diana and I, but the number one goal is to love each other and that fulfills a lot of other goals.
We dream of a house in Costa Rica on our mountain top… that is a goal. We dream of selling our restaurant someday and retiring to each other’s love, wherever we are. We dream of spending weeks on end at the cabin on Indian Creek…. kayaking, swimming, spending time in nature with our grandkids. And since these things are goals, I just bet we reach them. I sure hope we do. We work hard every day, doing what we can to make these goals our reality.
Nick, Boo, Max - at the creek - Indian Creek
Montana Lote - Costa Rica
I have many goals. I wish I could share all of them with you, but it would be of no use. So I ask you instead, to examine your goals and identify them and categorize them. Then put the family goals first. Is that where it already was? I sense it was so, cause I know most of the folk who will read this.
So the goal of putting out 12 blogs in 12 days and say something of me and my ideals is weighing heavy on me. You might not understand how serious words are. I do understand this and each word written is history and I want to be able to look back and read these words and feel something real, honest, and true…. so it is a challenge and a risk and revealing and imprisoning. I am captive to my commitment. And I feel the pressure of the next few days. And it’s Christmas time too. So I promise you, I will never commit to the 12 Days of Christmas blog again. This is it. And it’s got to be good and lasting. The words will never go away and I am sensitive to that fact.
You may read these blogs and think, “oh, what a good guy this is” or “this dude is so full of bull” or who really knows what you think? I only know what I think. I sense that others know these same things. Sometimes we just have to relearn what we already know. In my case, I should have known better than to commit to the 12 blogs, but 9 days ago, it seemed like the thing to do. So I said I would do it and I am and this is part of it.
I see my family react to these blogs and so I keep them in mind in nearly every writing. That is one of my goals and I can see the goal post. Christmas of today will never again be the Christmas of back then. No matter how hard we try to make Christmas like it was when “Big Daddy” Ralph Barker gathered his flock and it was absolutely the best day of the year, “Christmas Eve”. All the family and cousins and uncles and it was heaven. That’s what it was and that’s when it will be the same as it used to be… when we all get to heaven.
I can see Big Daddy, with Aunt Willie and Uncle Granville, Uncle Max, Momma and others, with all of us together again. And I can see the Christmas past when I would wake up at Momma Vera’s with my sisters and mom and dad, amazed now at my dad’s commitment of love for his mother (Momma Vera). And to know that now, it is up to me to give my family good memories of Christmas with me as PaPa and Daddy.
This year the kids are coming to our house and wait for ole Santa to show up. And Santa will come see the grand kids at Papa and Nana’s house. Little Amy Lu insists she has to be here, at our house, because we have the chimney for Santa. And Enzi asks, “But how will Santa know we are here and not at our house Papa?” It’s magic, we say, he’s watching… and then we remember when the magic was simply the love of mom and dad. Kids still love the magic of Christmas and I do too, magically different. My goal is to make this Christmas everything they dream of… that’s my dream and my goal. So off to help Santa I must go, to fill each stocking with the joys of Christmas.
me and enzi decorating the tree
lu lu and enzi decorating cookies
santa came! papa and lulu playing....
The goal of this blog began as a goal just to get it done, and have it finished. Then my thoughts reminded me how special this time is for children… my children and grandchildren and all children. My goal is to make sure my grand kids remember Christmas time at Papa Jay’s…. with joy unmatched.
I hope this blog will help you look at your goals for the future and today and may you prioritize them with family foremost, always. My goal is to help you reach your goal. Remember you are going to be a memory someday. How do you want to be remembered? I want to be remembered as a good dad and that means I must be a good husband… cause a good dad loves his children’s Momma madly, if he’s a good dad.
Diana, I love you madly and Merry Christmas my dear. I go shopping just for her every Christmas Eve and it’s still the happiest day of my year… Christmas Eve. She makes my days…. so special. I never know what I will buy her cause all the other gifts are bought first and then we see if any funds are left and I use that little bit and seek out something that might show my love the best. Whatever it is, this year it will not cost much but will mean a lot and my time looking for it is priceless. I love Christmas Eve like a kid, with anticipation of Christmas Day fluttering in my heart.
I hope your goals are in order and that you reach every one of them. And today one of my goals is reached….my blog is done…. and Diana hands me the phone and it’s Judie and she’s crying and packing to leave unexpectedly for Alexandria Virginia to be with Ron’s dad. He is dying fast and requested to see his family… so my goal now is to go comfort Ron and Judie before they depart in the early morning. Things happen… goals change, but the order of my goals stay the same….. Family First.
Pray for them if you pray, hope for them if you hope, and I will hope for you and yours … a “family first” Christmas. However it may turn out, one thing is for sure, it will someday be someone’s memory.
On the 8th day…
I give you music, a song in your heart, in your mind, on the radio, at church, in the shower, when dreaming, and with every mood and situation, I give you a song.
cutting my CD...cause I wanted 2....give u music
Music has always been close 2 my heart, from the 1st lullaby to the last song I ever write. As the Christmas music plays, it’s taken me 2 a time and place in my soul and my whole being feels free from the reality of stuff.
Music is my timeline. When I want to go back, I think of my favorite songs of the past and I can put myself right where I 1st heard the song or liked it or played it over and over. Some songs take me 2 an entire era, others to a specific day. Only old photos come close as a vehicle of choice to travel the past.
Music is much more than a time travel machine. It captures our every mood and excites or soothes us with each new song. It is an art form that is Universal and transcends languages and cultures.
Christmas music is the foundation of Christmas time. Cantatas, old favorites, and every great musician and artist have Christmas songs. They love and feel it too.
Music is made for me and my needs. I even make my own and it is very humbling, yet liberating, and I understand the luck involved in having my music be good or played by someone who might enjoy it.
None the less, I write music, I sing songs, mine and my favs, nearly constantly in my head or aloud.
It’s like the humming we used 2 hear when the elders sat on the porch and hulled peas or the farmer worked in the field…humming a song or even singing aloud…. as they work or ready themselves for work. It sets a mood and elapses time and transforms time…into our time….Thats why I’m singing my song as I go along with whatever deed busies my hands.
Right now, I am humming, “If I Were A Painter,” by Nora Jones, ’cause every time I sense the loneliness that comes from my mother no longer being here it comforts me. “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus,” is playing in the Broken Spoke and right now I can see her face, when we would sing that song in the car on the way to PaPaw Ralph’s for Christmas Eve. She would look at Daddy and smile with a twinkle in her eye.
This Christmas has taken some strange turns in our family. It’s nearly scary. We don’t even go to Dad’s. Lu will be in Knoxville, Suzie Gran is gone, Keith is gone, and so is a lot of joy 2 many in the families of the world.
Diana’s mom is mourning the death of a son. There will be no presents this year at her family gathering and sandwiches and and cards will replace the annual “Big 2 Do”. I wonder if I will attend, but rather drive to Milan and see The Williams Family. They 2 lost Dr. Phil way 2 early.
When i need an example or simple inspiration of the good in the world I travel 2 see Mrs. Barbara…listen 2 the chatter and laughter…that is music to my ears.
Milan is my hometown and I am singing, “I’ll Be Home For Christmas,” and I will be…as long as I have a song….and a my truck and some gas money.
remember these silver christmas trees?
So sing your song and spread the joy you get and if you’re sad, as many are this time of year, go listen to somebody sing or a choir or just quietly hum your happy song. I sense you will be lifted and feel better even if you already feel great…..Sing…do you know this one?
“Do you feel what I feel?”
“Do you see what I see?”
“Do you hear what I hear?”……
I hear a song…a song of love…..
“Do you know what I know?…..
“Do you hear what I say?” … and the song says…..pray for peace and happiness for all of mankind, …..especially your neighbor and family…and me, I said that.
I pray you all find a song in your heart so I give you Music!
“Joy To The World,” and that includes you.
I woke up and it was 10:30. Man, that’s late for me to sleep but I did it. My old feather pillow, thin from years of supporting my head, was right there looking me in the face. The 840 count fine linen that covered the old blue and white striped, slobber stained, 1960’s feather pillow, was stuck to my face. I must not have moved all night. What a lucky dog I was. I thought.
Some bad luck sent me packing to Costa Rica and there I found my "lucky" again by coming home to my family. Lucky me.
If I could give you anything at all, it would be luck. So on the 7th day I give you LUCK.
The polarity of this dimension always amazes me. Just giving you luck would be giving you nothing. Cause you and I both already have luck. Some folks are lucky, you know these friends and people and I do to. They are just lucky, good stuff and good fortune and good looks just clings to them. These folks are so lucky it sometimes makes me feel unlucky. You know what I mean?
Well, as luck would have it, I am both lucky and unlucky. Who’d a thought it? When I look at my life and I am still alive, I feel very lucky. Just lucky to be alive, realy… AND have someone to love.
Sharing a dream in the jungles of Costa Rica.
I know a lot of you out there feel unlucky, and you are. I have one child that seems to have nothing but bad luck, on the surface. Sometimes you go a lap down in this race of life and you feel you will never catch up. It’s so hard to catch up when everything around you moves so fast. And we must not only catch up, but somehow get ahead. The way life allows this to happen sometimes is with luck; that’s how you catch up….. and hard, smart work. So I wish you luck…. Good luck…. I hope you reach your lucky star. Having had bad luck before, I know how hard it is when you dream and try and do all you can, but as luck would have it, things go bad or don’t end the way we had hoped.
Moving from bad luck to good luck seems as hard as reaching the stars to many of us. It just seems no matter how hard we stretch and reach we get no closer. Well hang in there…. Keep reaching for the stars…. Your lucky star is there, waiting on you to pick it.
I believe in luck and I hope you have a big spell of good luck this New Year. I am hoping I’m a lucky dog this year too. See, I know I am running behind, in bills and the struggles of the commerce side of this world, but I am way ahead in the race for love, peace and happiness in my world. See, I run my life in dimensions. Work is one, home is one, nature is one and spiritual is one… there are others but you don’t get to go there.
I felt lucky so I called a white faced monkey over and asked him to go get me a mango. Instead, he tried to steal my necklace but I got lucky and he only got Diana's earring. Costa Rican Trail Ride
I can nearly control what happens to me spiritually, when with nature, and at home with family, but at work, luck runs that show….lot of times bad luck, or it seems that day. And I think it is common among us, when one area of our life seems unlucky, we label our whole life unlucky…. And it just ain’t so. Look at your life in dimensions. Now tell me you are unlucky. I don’t think you can. Good and bad luck co-exist, luck and absence of luck co-exist. We are so lucky in so many ways there is, by nature, some bad luck in all our lives. It is the polarity of the way of things. You may be experiencing some bad luck now in one dimension of your life or another, but I promise you, if you look into the other dimensions, layers of love and people who love you will appear, and you will see you are also very lucky at this very time….my sensitivity tells me….i am very lucky.
I feel so lucky today to be sitting in our “Anniversary getaway for a night hotel room” with my wife of thirty years and quietly co-existing. She doing her thing (helping me) and me doing mine. We don’t talk as we take our coffee and glow in each other’s comfort. We are opposites, think opposite…. Yet we come together as one, yet not the same. We are lucky, so lucky, that we have four wonderful children that love us and want to be around us, and eight grand kids we adore and a home and a life we live with purpose and meaning, filled with Family and dear friends. How lucky can one be? No luckier than me.
The nature side of things ~ we go there often.
You could be lucky too if you want to and if you do….. stop….. and look at your life…in the dimension…work, home, nature , and spirit….. and what you have that you are truly lucky to have…. Like your life…. And the joys you hold tight in it and you will feel lucky. And the luckier you feel, the luckier you are.
I’m feeling lucky today and I love it that way.
Life is Like a race in Nascar, We may be a lap down to our bills, but we are running hard and the caution comes out…. Somebody’s had some bad luck up ahead and We look around, realize we are running first, in the second layer of cars, as we cross the start/finish line…. And low and behold, We are the “lucky dog” that gets to benefit from another racer’s bad luck, and get a lap back for running hard even while a lap back.
Does this mean We are lucky or someone else simply unlucky? They both exist… pick for yourself. I choose to be lucky and as luck would have it, you are lucky too. And together there is nothing we can’t do. So keep reaching for your lucky star. It’s there, in your reach, if you look in the right spot.
I am sitting at my desk at the Spoke as I pen this and its 12:44am and we are still busy in the Bar. It is such a joy to see everyone so festive and looking good. I love Christmas Time. The ladies were all dressed in Christmas red and tall boots… I love me some boots… any way… as I sip a Modelo, I realize I will have no time tomorrow to write my blog so i sit down and….. write.
Dec 18th is our 30th wedding anniversary (Today). i am very proud Diana….She is my Lady Di. My Princess.My Soul mate. Its hard to believe its been thirty years. Thats more than half my life. And it is good.
Things haven’t always been perfect or even good, but they always seem to end up that way. We dream together and work together and sleep together. I can hardly sleep if she is not there. I cant get a blog done, a project finished, or bill payed without her. I probably depend on her more than i should, but she is always up to the task. She is stout.
I have learned not to speak to her before she has had two cups of coffee each morning, and that suits me. I have learned that her “schedule of the order of the day” is very important to her, and yet i still seem to mess it up each day with an unlisted request or chore. She always fits me in, but not always with joy… none the less she fits my stuff in her schedule. She’s sensitive to my needs.
She loves me when people tell her, “He’s a flirt”, “why does he wear them tight pants and cut-off shirts”, “how do you put up with him?” and on and on.
And on the other hand, the folks that know us envy our marriage or hope 2 imitate it, best they can. We live a simple but exciting life and there is never a dull moment between work and travel and children and grand-children. She has put up with my friends for years that crowded our house, hanging out drinking and smoking and such. She was put through “Woman Hell” by “Men Friends”. She’s stout.
When i went to jail for pot, her family and others tried to get her to leave “that sorry son of a”.. so and so. Instead she stood strong and defended me, and loved me, and cared for my affairs while i was locked down. She is much stronger than me, yet so soft. Soft Hearted 2 Me. and her first kiss sealed the deal for me and her. “The Kiss”
I asked her yesterday “what made you marry me?”. And without hesitation, she said, “It was that first kiss.” So on the sixth day, i give you “The Kiss”.
When you think about it it seems to be a strange way to get to know someone and love someone, but it works. Each of us can tell if a Kiss holds love. Just recently Diana and i have made a new house rule. Before we part ways in the morning, we must engage in a “Romantic Kiss”. A Kiss that says I love u deeply. For years with us it was “you’re not gonna kiss me goodbye?”, and a peck was given and we were gone.
It never seemed insufficient but it never felt real good either, none the less it was a kiss. Now the new “Romantic Kiss” in the morning has often created a situation where we both changed plans for a moment of “quality time”; in each others arms, just standing there swapping love stares into each others eyes. And we no its all we dream of…because it takes us back 2 day 1 all over again. That’s what we need and crave, the feeling of a first kiss every morning. Or at least I do. And She always gives one …or 2 or 3…
The kiss, soft and slow, tender and wet, long and meaningful, forever lingers in my mind each time our lips touch. I swear. Its true. Our lips were made for each other and our love life always responds to a “Romantic kiss”. She will probably be embarased by this post, til I lean over and Kiss her. We are married…Its ok ya’ll. I’ve see a lot of couples quit kissing after they got married…. and then divorced.
I gotta go home now, it is 1:58 AM and when i crawl into the bed she will make a sweet sound of approval and move to cuddle with me and we will and its life at its best as we float into sleeps dreamland.
I encourage you to give your mate or loved one a “Romantic Kiss”. And not just a peck, a first kiss, with meaning and passion and i promise you, you will be able to tell if they love you still, or ever did. And they can tell if you still love them too. My bet is ya’ll all love each other. You might just be lettin 2 much of your bad sensitive side take over….and not Kissin enough…just sayin…I sure love my every Kiss over these 30 years….just like the first one.
Now thats what I am talking about....tell me what I say...Happy Anniversary Diana, I love you and your ....kiss
I wish i could talk to you longer today, but its been a busy day for us today.
We will start by going to the Hardin County Jail and feeding the inmates and officers a delicious catfish, hushpuppie, slaw and french fries lunch at 11:30,
I still have a deep sensitivity for those imprisoned and their families. I feel their pain and each Christmas we try to visit… In the past years, often with all the kids, and try to let inmates know someone is thinking of them and hoping for them and on this day, feeding them the best Catfish in the World. And Diana and I do it together and with joy. It feels so good, but we always come away with teary eyes.”
I still cry when i think of the pain my wife, momma, kids, felt while i was in jail, and they didn’t deserve that pain. Even though the trip to the jail brings back painful memories, we sense the need…. to go, together, and share a little of our time and catfish with these 120 inmates. Christmas in jail?… I just shake my head at the thought of it, They outta let most of em go home and be with their families, for the day… I sense… they might be better inmates and husbands and mothers because of such a courtesy. That aint gonna happen this year, so off we go to jail; the Justice Center and it will be our first visit inside the new Jail.
And then we are on “Anniversary Time”, when we get in the car and see where it goes. And we laugh and talk and shop and eat and love. So if we miss you tomorrow, that means your not in jail, so kiss the one you love…I suggest a “Romantic Kiss”… works for me and Diana… For thirty years, and counting.
I love you Diana, you are my dream wife in my Dream Life, and you make it so Real.
“Now come here and let me kiss you baby…. bye yall
Note….My son Nick typed this for me around 3:30am….and it is his fingers and his love for his daddy that this blog is blogged….thanks Nick…I hope she likes it and gives me a big ole kiss after she reads it and sees it….If not , I’ll just have to go give her one.
